5 Things You Shouldn’t Tell Your Friends About Your Relationship

We know that the girl code says no secrets but you should also understand that there are certain things about your relationship you should keep to yourself and not discuss with friends no matter what as those little tiny bit of advises they will give might have a negative impact on your relationship at the end of the day.

Below are 5 things every woman shouldn’t tell her friends about her relationship.

Quality of s3x: “Never ever tell your friends about the quality of s3x you get from your man, it’s never okay and it could cause problems for you; if you tell your friends how good your man is, they might want to have a piece of him and if you tell them how bad he is, they might mock him so play safe, avoid discussing the quality of $ex you get with your friends”.

His nasty habits: “Maybe you find his nasty habits annoying but discussing it with friends doesn’t solve the problem but you instead embarrass your man among your friends; help him overcome the nasty habit instead of announcing it to the world”.

His error: “Never discuss his errors and past mistakes with friends, do you really think your man would be okay with it if he finds out? if you want your friends to value and respect your man, don’t discuss his errors with your friends”.

Argument: “When you have a misunderstanding with your man, work it out together, it is your relationship and not a public relationship where every friend has to know about every argument you have with your man; discussing your misunderstandings with your friends would make them have less respect for your man as they only get to hear your side of the story”.

His poor finances: “Some women share this information with friends and it’s really wrong, discussing his poor financial state with your friends makes him look incompetent”.

The post 5 Things You Shouldn’t Tell Your Friends About Your Relationship appeared first on GL Trends.

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See The 11 Rules For Successful & Happy Families

What defines family success? Successful families share similar traits. “A successful family is one that has love and acceptance and laughter,” said David Dykes, pastor of Green Acres Baptist Church in Tyler, Texas. “Any family that is thriving is successful.”

These characteristics – or rules – can be adopted by any family at any stage. Being successful isn’t just so you can post wonderful status updates on Facebook — successful families are important because “families are the basic unit of civilization which God created,” said Dykes. “When families aren’t getting along in general, it can impact the whole country.”

But how do you achieve success as a family?

By following these rules and ways to implement them that are the hallmarks of successful families.

Rule 1: Faith. Whatever we face as a family, having faith in God provides the foundation upon which we build our unit. “When we turn to God in all things, He provides his strength, guidance and peace,” said Janet Perez Eckles, international speaker and author of Simply Salsa. “We need to remember that we don’t have all the answers but God does.”

How to achieve faith: Have regular family devotions and prayer time; attend church together weekly.

Rule 2: Commitment. It takes being willing to stick together through thick and thin to make a family successful. “That commitment starts with parents being committed to their marriage first because that brings security to the children,” said Mary L. Hamilton, author of See No Evil.

How to achieve commitment: Focus more on your marriage than your children; have regular date nights with your spouse.

Rule 3: Time together. “You can’t have a successful family without spending time together,” said Dykes. “There’s absolutely no substitute for time.” In our busy lives, we need to make family time a priority by carving out specific times for it. “If you don’t make the time for family, someone else would take that time,” reminded Dykes.

How to achieve togetherness: Schedule regular family outings or game nights.

Rule 4: Identity. Family members need to identify with each other as a family. “Each person needs to know they belong together, that there’s a loyalty among the members and the confidence that someone’s got their back,” said Hamilton. “Everyone working towards the same goal can solidify your identity with each other.”

How to achieve identity: Develop a family motto or mission statement.

Rule 5: Make memories. “Shared experiences strengthen the bond between family members,” said Dykes. “Going on trips is a great way to make memories that can last a lifetime.” Trips don’t have to be extravagant or to exotic destinations to make an impression–often the fun is in doing something unusual or out-of-the ordinary together.

How to achieve memories: Get the kids involved in planning trips or vacations.

Rule 6: Dine together. It sounds like a cliché but the family that regularly eats together has a better relationship with each other. “We were always a big believer in eating together and that meal time wasn’t screen time,” said Dykes. “I think the trap a lot of families fall into is in thinking eating together isn’t important to the family as a whole.”

How to achieve eating together: Ensure activities don’t infringe on dinner time.

Rule 7: Building up. Successful families are ones in which mean criticism isn’t tolerated. “You want to have an atmosphere of building each other up, not tearing each other down,” said Hamilton. “Making someone fear inferior is one of the biggest hindrances to success as a family.”

How to achieve building up: Establish a rule that every criticism or tattle must be accompanied by three compliments.

Rule 8: Forgiveness. Holding onto anger or hurt can derail a family’s success in heartbeat. “Lack of forgiveness can spell certain downfall in a family,” said Eckles. “It fuels animosity and can to hard situations into emotionally charged ones.”

How to achieve forgiveness: Teach kids how to apologize (be specific, be sincere, accept apology, forgive and move on).

Rule 9: Perseverance. Life isn’t always easy, and families that work hard to overcome anything they encounter have more chance for successful. “The ability to overcome adversity is essential to developing a healthy family,” said Eckles.

How to achieve perseverance: Develop a habit of being thankful in all things and of not giving up when the going gets tough.

Rule 10: Digital Disconnect. Have specific times of the day when everyone’s disconnected from digital devices. We can become so connected to our electronics that we become disconnected from our families. Technology-free zones are critical to keeping families together.

How to achieve digital disconnection: Put a basket by the front door and collect all handheld digital devices during family meal time, meetings, game night, etc.

Rule 11: Fun. Sometimes, we get so involved in the day-to-day minutiae that we forget to enjoy one another. Laughter, light-hearted moments seal together the family. “Relationships are built on having fun,” said Hamilton. “Making opportunities to have fun together will go a long way to bringing family back together.”

How to achieve fun: Seek little moments when you can have a tickle fest with your kids, share a shoulder rub with your spouse, or chase your children around the table.

*By implementing these rules in your family, you can have a more connected and vibrant family. “When you find that willingness to make the effort to spend time together, you provide that feeling of belonging that we all need,” said Hamilton. “That’s what makes families thrive.”

[written by Sarah Hamaker]

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4 True Reasons Why He Doesn’t Respond To Your Messages

Do you send messages to him and never answer? Do you want to have a conversation with him through text messages but your attempts are frustrated?

Well, there can be several explanations why he does not respond your messages and below are some of those reasons why he doesn’t respond to your messages.

He is busy: It may be that you have the habit of sending messages to him in the middle of the afternoon when he is working and he is not able to answer them or simply can not. If you want him to respond, avoid sending messages during the hours when you know he is fulfilling his obligations and do it when he has finished his workday.

Your messages are very long: It is likely that when you send text messages too long, he does not want to read them and does not even bother answering them thinking that you will send more of this type. Think about this, how do you react when you get those long chains of messages on Whatsapp? Or what happens to you when someone sends you the whole story of their life in one message? Surely you do not read them, do you?. So, it happens exactly that to him, he prefers not to answer and avoids that in a single message you send everything you did in the day to the last minute; send texts that are short and easy to read and you will see that he will respond in a few minutes.

He may prefer to call you later: Many Men usually avoid sending text messages, not because they do not want to chat but rather like telephone contact. Do not be surprised that your guy does not respond to some messages but after a while, he calls you on the phone and answers all the things you asked for in a text.

Does not understand them: Yes, I know this may be strange, but when you send things like indecipherable phrases or common misspellings, he will find it difficult to answer, because he will not understand what he is reading. Ideally, you should send him the complete words so he understands what you want to say to him, the same thing happens when you respond in an undefined way.

For example, if he sends you a message like, “do you want to go out today?” and you respond only “no”, he will think you’re angry. It is preferable that you explain him the reason for your refusal for him to understand.

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Simple Ways To Overcome The Hurts In Your Life

Every person who walks planet earth has been wounded. Some more than others. And pain has a way of sticking and affecting our relationships with others if we aren’t intentional about getting past it.

I’ve noticed how past pain in my life can creep up and make me insecure in my marriage when my husband has given me no reason to be. It can make me hesitant to trust others when they have done nothing to undermine my trust. And past pain can even make me doubt God’s love, forgiveness, or provision when His track record has given me no reason to doubt Him at all.

But you and I don’t have to remain stuck in the baggage from our past…

Don’t let your pain impact your present. In my book, When a Woman Overcomes Life’s Hurts, I point out 10 steps to healing and wholeness that can help anyone – male or female – live like a new creation in Christ Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:17) rather than the old, dysfunctional wounded people that the enemy of our souls wants us to believe that we are.

Here are ways to overcome hurts so they don’t continue to affect how you live and relate to others:

1. Realize there’s a reason for your pain. 
I, too, remember asking God “why” in the wake of my parents’ divorce and the discovery of my father’s closet alcoholism for more than two decades. Being raised in the church, I didn’t expect to go through something like that. And I certainly couldn’t think of a good reason that it happened.

It wasn’t until I came upon a passage of Scripture that I realized I might never understand the “why” and that’s okay. In Isaiah 55:8-11, we read: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord…” (verse 8).

I’ve learned it isn’t so important that we understand why we are hurting, but it is essential that we trust the One who, in His love, is allowing that hurt to happen. That is the beginning of surrender and trust in a God who can redeem all things. And surrender is the beginning of healing.

2. Reshape your understanding of God through Scripture. 
When we are hurting, we are often believing something about God that isn’t true. Sometimes we believe God is punishing us or is ignoring us out of His anger. When we look to Scripture to see who God really is and grab hold of that truth, it changes our lives.

Is it possible through your hurts and heartaches, that you’ve perceived God as different than He actually is? Maybe you haven’t done that intentionally. Maybe you just put a face on Him that resembles someone who has hurt you. But God is not like a distant father you had difficulty approaching, or a critical mother whom you could never please, or an abusive spouse whom you couldn’t trust, or a controlling boss whom you learned to resent. Let God heal your heart of the hurt you’ve experienced by getting to know Him as He really is. As Scripture says He is.

John 8:32 says, “and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

3. Reject the lie that God didn’t care. 
We often see the disaster in front of us, we experience the pain, but we don’t see the rescue that takes place on our behalf. That makes us believe the lie that God wasn’t there or that He didn’t care about the pain we experienced.

God promised in His Word that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). His Word also says that no matter where we go, He is with us (Psalm 139:7-11). That means He has been with you in everything you’ve faced. Maybe you just don’t remember the sudden turn of events in which something worse could’ve happened, but didn’t. Maybe you don’t recall that He was protecting you in spite of the pain.

In Psalm 71:15 the Psalmist sings of God’s “saving acts all day long” though he knows not how to relate them all (NIV). How often has God protected you from something far worse that could’ve happened but didn’t? Reject the lie that He didn’t care. He was very likely working a rescue that you never even realized took place.

4. Receive your new identity. 
Many of us stay stuck in our past – claiming “that’s just the way I am” – because we continue to see ourselves as the wounded little girl or the rejected, unwanted little boy. But when we know Christ, that’s not who we are anymore.

Scripture says when you are in Christ Jesus you are His child (John 1:12), His friend (John 15:15), a saint (Ephesians 1:1), forgiven (Colossians 1:14), complete (Colossians 2:10), secure (Romans 8:1-2; Hebrews 13:5), and unconditionally loved (Romans 8:35-39), just to name a few.

When I find myself excusing my behavior because of past issues or believing I will always be hurt, I must remind myself again that Christ died for me to redeem “the way I am” so He can make me more like Him.

5. Relinquish your right to yourself. 
It’s natural for you and I to believe we have a right to a pain-free, happy life. But Jesus never promised even a comfortable life for those who followed Him. Rather, He said:“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me,” (Luke 9:23). To pick up your cross daily means there’s going to be pain, hurt, discomfort, and a relinquishing of your right to yourself.

Furthermore, the Apostle Paul modeled to us a life that is surrendered to Christ in which we have no personal rights, when he said “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).

True surrender means recognizing your life is not your own; you belong to a loving Master who has your best at heart. Relinquish your right to yourself and experience the peace that you are in your Father’s hands and He knows exactly what He’s doing.

6. Release yourself through forgiveness. 
Not only do we need to forgive ourselves of offenses we believe are unforgivable, but when we forgive others who have offended us, we end up letting ourselves off of their emotional hook.

We stay in bondage to our pain and the one who caused us pain when we refuse to forgive another person. They may not ask for your forgiveness, they may not even be sorry, but when you release your offender – and the offense – to God and say “I’m not going to expect this person to make it right, because they never could anyway,” you will experience freedom from the pain. We forgive because Christ has forgiven us (Matthew 6:14-15). And we forgive, because it is essential to our own healing process.

7. Refresh your soul through praise. 
1 Thessalonians 5:18 says “in everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” In everything – even the unwanted, uncomfortable, and unpleasant things – give thanks, and you will be living out God’s will for you. As you praise God, He will give you a new perspective. He will remind you of who you are in His eyes. And you will experience joy again. Worship draws us closer to the presence of God. And Psalm 16:11 says, “In His presence, is fullness of joy.”

Praise Him in the pain and you’ll find yourself experiencing His peace and His joy… evidence that you have overcome your hurts.

8. Re-invest in the lives of others. 
I’ve seen it over and over again. A man or woman who is wounded receives God’s healing and then gets back into the trenches where he or she was wounded and begins to help others out of their painful situation, as well. It’s how God turns our pain into our purpose. It’s how He brings something beautiful out of what was once bitter. And it’s how He completes our healing process.

Second Corinthians 1:3-4 tells us that the God of all comfort “comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Whom can you comfort with the comfort God has given you? Whose life can you encourage by sharing where God has met you in your pain? God ministers healing to us as we reach out to minister to the hurts of others.

[written by Cindi McMenamin]

The post Simple Ways To Overcome The Hurts In Your Life appeared first on GL Trends.

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7 Powerful Ways To Hear From God

I believe that God speaks to all His children – but are you expecting Him too? God longs for us to know his will and his words to us. Though a Christian might walk through a season of silence or quietness, they shouldn’t confuse that with God’s absence.

And God never leaves us without a way to hear from him. So how does God speak?

Here are 7 ways that I have found…

1. Through His Word 
The Word of God is at the top of the list. God’s words are powerful. They can create something out of nothing – take Genesis chapter 1, which describes how God spoke and things were created. The unseen was brought into the seen world.

We have an abundance of written material available to us – the most that there has been in history. From printed books, magazines, blogs and digital books. We are inundated with the written word. With so many words available, it is easy to treat The Word as one of the many options for our soul food. We need to continually remind ourselves that The Word of God (The Bible) is not just a collection of 66 books but an “integrated message system…which is outside our dimensions of space and time.” (Chuck Missler)

Reading, meditating and praying the Word has the power to change our mindsets, emotions and circumstances. It is truly our soul food. If we don’t fill ourselves up with God’s Word/food we will instinctively look for soul food elsewhere. This could be emotional eating, drugs, materialism, worldly “feel good” opinions etc.

Believe that every morning when you open up your Bible App or your physical Bible, the words that you read and digest hold power – they are seed that if planted in a heart that is expecting God to speak and act will produce a powerful effect on your life.

2. Through Conversations with Other Believers 
For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you — that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine. – Romans 1:11-12 ESV

We are created to communicate – a spirit that speaks. God created us that way. When believers get together and share their personal experiences with God – how He speaks to them and answers to prayer – something happens in our spirits. We become strengthened in our inner selves. As Paul wrote in Romans, we are mutually encouraged by each other’s faith. I don’t think this happens enough. We expect a church program to fill this gap but we miss the opportunity for regular encouragement.

I am so grateful that I have people in my life who are open to having these types of conversations. If you don’t, pray about it. Ask God to bring along someone who you can share your faith experiences with and listen to theirs. It may be that there is someone in your life already but you both have been talking about everything else and God hasn’t featured. Why do we not talk about God? I find myself falling into this trap also.

3. Through Nature 
For his (God’s) invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made… – Romans 1:20

God speaks of His character in the things that He has made – without a doubt. Every time I go for a walk and see or hear a bird – I am always reminded ofMatthew 6 where Jesus says, “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” I feel God gently saying to me, every time – Rachel, I have your back just like I provide for the birds, which I have made, I also have provided and will continue to provide for you.

When I see a rainbow, I remember His promise to mankind – never again will I flood the earth and kill everybody. I remember His promises to me – to never, ever leave me or forsake me.

Every time I walk near my parents home where the mountains are the backdrop, I remember the verse “I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1

God’s creation reminds us of His character and promises. Ask God to reveal more of Himself to you personally through what He has made.

4. Through Good Books 
I love books. God speaks to me through reading other people’s experiences of God. It is sort of like going to lunch with the author and downloading everything that they have learned.

If I was forced to choose just one Christian book it would be Experiencing God: Knowing and Doing the Will of God by Henry & Richard Blackaby. Experiencing God helps you to listen to God’s voice and it frees you to live God’s plan with boldness and freedom. When I look back over my life I can pinpoint times when I moved up a level in my Christian walk and reading this book was one of those times.

5. Through Restful Times 
“Be still, and know that I am God” – Psalm 46:10

It seems to be that in the restful times, when we pause from life, that we hear God speak more often. God is wanting us to come away from the hustle of life, pause and just sit with Him. Once we are in that position of stillness then we can know God in a clearer way. I spent a year thinking and acting on the word PAUSE – here is a 31 days series on being still and seeing God more clearly. If you are having trouble hearing from God – maybe pull away for a time period from the noise of media, people and distractions and just become still. Turn off the radio or podcasts on the drive to work and just ponder God. Take 10 minutes daily to just sit and ask God to reveal more of Himself to you.

6. Through Simple Actions 
Faith without works/actions is dead. Sometimes God’s voice becomes clearer when we act on what we already know or have been shown by the Spirit. If you haven’t heard from God in a while – go back to the last time that you did. Was there something that God told you to do or was there a verse of Scripture that challenged you? Have you put that into action? God is into moving us one step at a time. We can’t move forward until we have acted on what God has shown us.

7. Through Dreams/Visions 
“Then the mystery was revealed to Daniel in a night vision. Then Daniel blessed the God of heaven” – Daniel 2:19

God also uses our sleep to reveal His thoughts to us. The Scriptures record many occasions where this has happened. God has given me many articles and inspiration for books and sermons during the night. I guess it’s a time when we are still and open to hearing Him speak. There was an occasion when I wasn’t sure on how to pray for my family. I asked God to show me how I should pray for them at that time. God showed me a picture image of a house with different rooms. No lights were on. Then the light switch in the kitchen was turned on and scrumptious food was being prepared. Through that simple image God showed me the importance of good soul food (God’s Word) and to pray for the “kitchen light” to be turned on in my family’s life so that they can be truly nourished.

[written by Rachel Larkin]

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How To Know She Is A ‘runs Girl’ Without Meeting Her In Person

1. Her online picture centers less on her facial beauty, she focuses more on showing to the world her feminine possession and endowment: hips, hot body, b0sso-ms etc.

2. Her profile pictures do not in anyway ‘synergies’ with the various locations as portrayed in the pictures: some of the pictures conspicuously show her in different room locations and arrangement (only those with critical pictural* analysis can spot this).

3. When you add her as a friend on Badoo or other social network, it will take her nothing less than 30 minutes to reply your message. (This shows that many clients are lined up online), and even when she replies you, her reply sometimes is a let down from your painstakingly written introduction.

The post How To Know She Is A ‘runs Girl’ Without Meeting Her In Person appeared first on GL Trends.

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Ways To Woo A Girl Without Using Money

So hey guys here are some ways to woo a girl without using money, money is not everything but everything needs money.
This works best on girls who are single or want a new relationship, of course I wouldn’t go with these on a slay queen. They have no brains so lol.

Don’t get me wrong. I said without money. This is not in anyway encouraging broke guys o cause money is still needed in the relationship. You guys must go out. You must transport if you have a car you must buy fuel etc. Money needed for all those things.

So here are some ways. If you are cute. This will make you outstanding.

1. Be funny and romantic.

If you want to woo a girl and you are a funny guy, you have an advantage, you can mix this wittiness of yours with romance, be romantic and at the same time be funny, don’t just be funny. Be funny and slowly keep a great conversation with her while making your intentions know to her slowly, slowly do this, it will be preferable to do this via chat or in person anyone you feel comfortable with.

Like for example of me being funny.

Girl :she uploaded a very cute dp and I was like

me: babe, this your dp is too cute o, you want to give them boys sleepless night ba, you just they hit anyhow o, even fire self they quench, your own na endless hotness”

She found it funny and she laughed and then I added the romantic funny line

“our babies are going to be very cute, I mean look at how cute their mother is, and of course the daddy which is me is also cute so our combination will be beautiful” and she was like

Girl: oh dear you are very funny.

So you see.

It has even gotten to the point that she enjoys me so much that even if we are suppose to take a bus home she will be like “baby no need lets stroll so we can see things to laugh and gist about and hold hands, it’s romantic”

I give her a great conversation that I leave her yearning for more. I am more than best friend and parents combined because I have given her the kind of excitement. Listening ears that she hasn’t experienced before.

2. If you have a great voice, sing to her.

Girls love guys who have great voice and can sing, so if you can sing her a romantic short song most of the time. She will definitely fall in love with you. While slowly making your intentions known to her.

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Best Ways to Surprise Your Nigerian Wife

Society has erroneously made us believe that it is only women that try to be romantic to take the extra effort to make their spouses or partners happy. However, many people have been able to attest to the fact that men can also be very thoughtful in the relationship. For Nigerian men, the idea even seems more afar off.

The truth is that a lot of Nigerian men even when they want to surprise their wives or be romantic, do not exactly know how to go about it. If you are one of those men, here are a few tips on how to make your wife happy.

• Cook her something

Nigerian men are not generally the cooks of the house, and a lot of them do not honestly try. This is why it is a very nice way to surprise your wife. Rather than the norm of calling your wife to tell her what you feel like eating, go home a little earlier and cook something simple for her. Of course, this works well if you haven’t been sharing the cooking before. If you do not know how to cook, put in a little effort to do research and she’ll love you more.

• Surprise her at work

Many men are fond of leaving their wives to go about their businesses themselves. While it is fine to give your wife space, surprising her every once in a while is wonderful. It could be valentine gifts or a birthday cake if it’s her birthday. She’ll absolutely love it if her colleagues saw how wonderful a husband she has.

• Get her a thoughtful gift

Gifts are not just restricted to birthdays or anniversaries; you can get your wife a gift for no reason at all. If she just got a promotion at work, get her a gift. If she just lost at something, a gift can be gotten to make her feel better as well. The point is that at every point you can, get her something to remind her that you’re thinking about her constantly.

• Lunch at work

Take her out to lunch like you would if you were still trying to get her attention and you’ll refresh the love. You can also bring her lunch and give her something new to be happy about. It’s simple, but it is a surprise that would leave her smiling for the rest of the day, no matter how tough work gets.

• Plan a getaway

Finally, you can pull of something grand by planning a special getaway for both of you. If you have a lot of money, a getaway out of the country would be spectacular. If not, take her to a nice hotel and get her off the stress of cooking and cleaning even if it is just for a weekend.

No matter what you do for her, it is the thought that counts. Every woman would appreciate effort when she sees it. Surprising her is a wonderful way to add spice into your marriage.

 

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4 Interesting Money Tips For Young Adults

The importance of personal finance knowledge to young adults cannot be overemphasized. It is important for young adults to equip themselves with essential personal finance knowledge to help secure their financial future. Jumia Travel shares 4 money tips for young adults.

1. Know Where Your Money Goes
One common thing with young adults is the complaint of not being able to account for how quickly their money ‘disappears’ from their bank accounts. A good solution to this is for young adults to pay more attention to exactly how they spend their money, or where their money goes. The best way to do this is to have a budget, and to be disciplined enough to ensure that the budget guides every single Naira that is spent. Once this is done, young adults will soon realize just how much of an impact small and seemingly ‘manageable’ changes in spending will have on their finances; it will then be easier to better manage expenses and keep recurring monthly expenses as low as possible.

2. Start Saving For Retirement Immediately
Because of the way compound interest works, the sooner a young adult starts saving for retirement, the less principal will be needed to be invested to end up with a reasonable retirement amount. This will make it easier for a young adult to be able to call working an ‘option’ rather than a ‘necessity’ much sooner than expected. Therefore, young adults should ensure they have a good retirement scheme going as early into their career as possible.

3. Understand How Income Taxes Work
As a young adult, even before you get your first paycheck, it is important you know how income taxes work. This is so that you will be able to properly calculate if whatever starting salary you are being offered by a company will be enough to meet your financial goals and obligations, after taxes and the like have been deducted. Thankfully, there are plenty of online calculators that can help with this if your math skills are not so great. Paycheck City is one of such online calculators.

4. Learn To Be Responsible With Your Money Early On
There is a popular saying that goes along the lines of ‘if you don’t learn to manage your own money, others will mismanage it for you’. There is no financial tip more important than this one. You simply need to learn to be responsible with money and take better control of your financial future. Learn to read a few basic financial books to better understand how money works, and use that knowledge to make money work for you. If you understand how money works and know what you are doing with money early on in your life, you will be able to avoid having to lament unnecessary ‘stories that touch’ to friends and family when things inevitably go awry with your finances.

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Why Would A Man Cheat Or Have An Affair But Then Want To Stay Married?

I’ve had people tell me that there are two camps of cheaters, as follows:

1. those who want out of their relationship (or are not fully invested in it) and therefore don’t care if they get caught; and

2. those who hope and pray that they never get caught because they are still very much invested in their relationship or marriage and in love with their spouse or partner.

Many people have a very hard time understanding why anyone would cheat or have an affair when they are still invested in their marriage. It just seems to be a silly and risky thing to do.

 

I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “I found out three days ago that my husband has been Cheat!ng and having an affair with one of our neighbors. When he confessed to me, I fully expected him to tell me that he wanted a divorce and was getting ready to pack his bags. But this isn’t what happened. Instead, he said that he wanted to be honest with me because he wanted to save our marriage. This just makes no sense to me. Why would you cheat on someone to whom you wanted to remain married? My husband knows me pretty well. He has watched me support many friends whose marriages were destroyed by infidelity and he knows that I have no tolerance for it. So, when he was Cheat!ng, he must have known that once I found out, there was a chance that I would leave him. And yet, here he is confessing but telling me that he wants to stay in the marriage rather than leave it. Can you explain the thinking behind this? Because I just don’t understand why a person who wants to stay in the marriage would risk that same marriage by Cheat!ng.”

In the following article, I’m going to try to explain what might motivate a person to cheat even when they fully intend to remain married.

Many People Who Cheat Never Intend To Get Caught And Intend For The Unplanned Cheat!ng To Be A Very Short Lived Affair: Before I get into the reasons for Cheat!ng and then wanting to stay married, I have to tell you that you may not fully believe what I’m about to tell you. I completely understand that because, as a woman who has been cheated on, I don’t always buy what men tell me either. It is very hard for to understand a thought process that would never be mine.

With that said, many people who cheat will tell you that they didn’t go into it with any intention of being unfaithful. You will often first hear about a friendship developing and then you’ll hear phrases like “it just happened.” Whether this is true or not, most people overwhelmingly make this claim. And then they will say that once the unintentional Cheat!ng happened, they told themselves that it was a one time or short-term thing. They planned to stop it before anyone was hurt. Of course, sometimes it ends up lasting for longer than they originally anticipated.

Still, many people end up realizing that they have made a huge mistake about which they feel an awful lot of guilt. They often realize that they have taken a huge risk with the relationship that is most important to them. This is why many of them confess or at least own up to what they’ve done once they have been caught. They suddenly realize that they don’t want to surrender their marriage and they are hoping that either their confession or their remorse is going to at least give them a chance to maintain or save their marriage.

Suspicions You Might Have About His Claim That He Wants To Stay In The Marriage: Many faithful spouses meet the Cheat!ng spouse’s claims with a good deal of suspicion. People often tell me they fear that their spouse is just claiming that he wants to save the marriage because he knows that a divorce would end up costing him a lot of money or would risk him losing some access to his children.

I also hear from a lot of doubtful but faithful spouses who suspect that their spouse just doesn’t have the courage or integrity, to tell the truth about his feelings. Or, they worry that he wants to keep the Cheat!ng or the affair hidden from his extended friends or family and hopes that by staying in the marriage, his secret won’t get out. These are absolutely valid concerns. Dealing with the Cheat!ng is very painful. But dealing with the Cheat!ng while trying to save your marriage only to find out later it was all for nothing is nearly unbearable.

However, the problem often is that there is no way to know what is actually true until you see it through. You can’t read your spouses’ thoughts. You can’t possibly know exactly what they are feeling. So the only way to truly know their real intentions is to wait it out and see if their actions confirm their words. Because if he’s not being truthful about his commitment to the marriage, then that will become apparent soon enough. It’s very unlikely that he can keep up the facade for long if his heart isn’t truly in it.

And, this is not the only opinion that matters. You also will need to decide if you want to stay in the marriage. The decisions about your marriage are not his alone to make. You have a say. And you have your own set of wishes and intentions. Sometimes, his wanting to stay in the marriage is not going to be enough. You have to want it too. And you both have to be willing to do the work to repair the marriage and to restore the trust. Both of these things truly are possible. But in order for that to happen both people need to be absolutely sincere about their feelings and intentions.

 

If you had told me that I would ultimately save my marriage after my husband’s affair, I might have laughed at that notion at the time. But that is exactly what ended up happening. I had my doubts about my husband’s sincerity when he claimed he wanted to stay in the marriage, but his actions proved my doubts were unfounded. And today, I’m glad I gave him the opportunity to prove to me that his claims were true.

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Beware: See The 4 Kinds Of Friends That Are Hindering Your Success

If success is what you seek in life; business, career, Job, Marriage, relationship etcetera, then you must learn to avoid these four kinds of friends.

Friends are supposed to help us grow, discover those unique abilities and strength we never knew we had. But if you always find yourself slowing down in the pursuit of your vision, dreams or ideas, you need to check the friends you keep.

It’s easier to always blame our strategies and enemies for our failures but oftentimes, our principles may be right but our so called friends may be the ones working against our success directly or indirectly.

This week, I will be sharing with you just four kinds of friends out of many that are hindering your success.

1. The Parasitic

Parasitic friends are those who are always taking from you and not giving back in return. The most annoying part of this kind of friends is that they will spend your money or use your stuff and keep theirs.

This kind of friends always pretend not to have meanwhile, they may even have more than you. One easy way to know this kind is that when you refuse or doesn’t have to give them, they automatically turn you to a bad person. Parasitic friends will never let you go until they have sucked you dry.

In the pursuit of your vision, dreams or ideas, you will have to let go of them otherwise, they may end up taking the little resources that you should have used to take your vision, ideas, talents and dreams forward.

2. The Pharisees and The Saducees

The P&S friends are those friends who always feel that they know more than you. They will always point out a reason or two why you may not succeed sometimes with proofs and their personal experiences to back it.

These friends are too far to see and too sad to see. I used to have friends like this who always told me to abandon my vision and ideas and follow the herd. They always told me that dreams don’t come through in this part of the world. They don’t care about your vision, and can’t fathom why a little boy or girl like you could have such a great vision.

3. The Mockers and Complainers

Being mocked can have psychological effects on people especially if they are your friends. It’s easier to turn deaf to the mockeries of people who are outside your friendship zone.

Complaining weakens great talents. When you hangout with Complainers, in a short time, you may find yourself complaining too instead of strategizing on how to move forward.

Please understand that we need critics in order to be able to perfect our products and services, but when those critics are our friends and are doing it out of hatred then, there is a problem.

4. The Unsupportive

Unsupportive friends are those who never complain or mock you but will never support your dreams and vision. In the pursuit of our dreams, we need all the supports that we can get.

Unsupportive friends will leave you to struggle alone without a little support and are always the first to complain that you’ve abandoned them when you start reaping the fruits of your labours.

Whether we want to or not, we all need friends. Friends who are not parasitic, Pharisees and Saducees, Unsupportive, Mockers and Complainers, but friends who will stand by us through the thick and thin until we start reaping the fruits of our labours.

Succeed You Must!

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The Many Benefits Of Having Honey At Home

 

Honey has been known throughout history as “Liquid Gold,” a natural sweetener that is not just delicious but provides many theR@peutic benefits. Although it is a versatile cooking ingredient, honey could also offer some wonderful health benefits…

You need to be taking full advantage of the nutritional and medicinal properties of honey.

You are, therefore, advised to get a bottle of honey stored up in your home somewhere, today because it has lots of amazing benefits you never knew!

1. Honey Reduces Cough 
Honey may prove to be a lifesaver during this cold season. According to a study in the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, researchers tested a single nighttime dose of buckwheat honey against a common cough suppressant and no treatment at all in more than 100 children with colds. Overall, parents found that the honey was better than the other two approaches for relieving cough symptoms and improving sleep.

No wonder the World Health Organization lists honey as a potential demulcent, a sugary liquid that coats the throat and soothes irritation. A 2007 study by Penn State College of Medicine suggested that it reduced nighttime coughing and improved sleep quality in children with upper respiratory infection better than the cough medicine dextromethorphan or no treatment.

2. Honey heals wounds 
Shocking, isn’t it? Applying honey to the skin has been used to heal wounds and burns since ancient Egypt, and is still being used today.

In-depth research studies on honey and wound care were evaluated and the review found that it is most effective at healing partial thickness burns and wounds that have become infected after surgery.

It is also an effective treatment for diabetic foot ulcers, which are very serious complications and can lead to amputation.

One study reported a 43.3% success rate with honey as a wound treatment. In another study, topical honey healed a whopping 97% of patients being treated for their diabetic ulcers.

Similarly, researchers believe that its healing powers come from its antibacterial and anti-inflammatory effects, as well as its ability to nourish the surrounding tissue.

3. Honey Boosts Memory 
We are what we eat and hence it is very important to consume foods that help make our mental health strong to sustain in old age. One of its numerous health benefits includes its ability in boosting memory and concentration.

Honey not only increases brain power and memory but also makes you a healthier person altogether. Consumption of honey prevents metabolic stress and helps calm and soothes the brain, which helps in augmenting memory in the long run. The natural antioxidants and theR@peutic properties in honey help in boosting brains’ cholinergic system and circulation and receding cells that cause memory loss.

4. Honey helps digestion 
Honey helps reduce constipation, bloating and gas, thanks to it being a mild laxative. Honey is also rich in probiotic or “friendly” bacteria such as bifidobacteria and lactobacilli, which aid in digestion, promote the health of the immune system, and reduce allergies.

Using it in place of table sugar has been found to reduce the toxic effects in the gut of mycotoxins produced by fungi.

5. Honey Cures Acne 
Honey is a popular home remedy for acne. It’s often combined with other natural ingredients such as cinnamon, nutmeg, lemon, and avocado to make acne face masks.

There are a lot of anecdotal reports from people who have successfully used honey in the treatment of acne, but actual scientific studies that examine its effectiveness when used on acne patients are currently lacking.

However, we do know that this natural ingredient has antibacterial activity, and studies have shown that it can kill a wide range of bacteria. This is currently thought to be a result of the hydrogen peroxide that is present in the honey and a protein called bee-defensin-1 which is added to the nectar when it’s in the bee’s stomach.

Studies have shown that it is capable of killing the acne-causing bacteria. Due to its high level of antibacterial activity, using honey for acne treatment has become popular in the natural skin care community.

Honey also has anti-inflammatory properties which could be useful in the treatment of an inflammatory condition like acne.

The health benefits of Honey are endless and amazing, new research and studies keep coming up with more benefits of Honey!

Do well to get yourself a bottle of honey today.

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5 Reasons Why Men Loses Interest In A Relationship

They are things so simple that girls do not realize that they are distancing the person they have at their side, there comes a time when you realize that your man is not interested anymore, that he does not do anything for the relationship, and maybe it could be too late to do something, because without realizing you have caused him to move away.

It happens that there are things that de-motivate him, which, although they seem simple, could make a man search for what he sees absent.

So if you love your man, avoid doing these 5 things, he will probably end up leaving your side:

Phone: When you are with your man you should avoid using your phone because he could feel ignored, especially if instead of paying attention to what he says you spend the time talking to your friends or checking social networks; you must share certain moments with him, enjoy every moment that you can be together, the only thing you can interrupt is an emergency because at the end of the day your friends will be there when you vacate.

Social Networking: Its use is almost mandatory, as this brings us closer to the people around us, however, the way you use them could greatly define your relationship. When you’re single, it’s normal for many guys to come after you and answer them the way you want, but when you have a relationship you have to set limits, especially out of respect.

Cancelling dates: It happens that you forgot to do a task, a meeting occurred at the last minute or some situation that forces you to cancel a meeting with your guy, be careful that this doesn’t happen continuously, because it is a sign that your relationship is taking less importance, or at least that’s what your man can see.

Hiding the relationship: No matter how long you’ve together, it became official from the moment you agreed to be his girlfriend, so avoid presenting him as a friend or acquaintance with the people you know, especially with your parents.

Another woman: There is not much to do here, because the situation is clear, however, you should talk to your partner if there is someone that is affecting the relationship he has to choose a path, it is not fair that he starts playing with you.

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Worst Mistakes Women Make With Men

Let’s face it, who would not want to have a simple guide to help them create the ideal relationship with their partner? When it comes to starting a relationship, there are certain mistakes that most women commit thinking they are doing the right thing, when in reality it is the opposite. Here are some of the worst mistakes women make with men:

Being an open book: This is probably the worst mistake, a little mystery is a good way to make a man’s interest lasts. Women should not stop sharing their feelings with the man they love but, you should have a little (or a lot) moderation and don’t share all your history immediately; nothing wrong with being interested in a man, but if you are very obvious, it is not only distasteful but also makes the man to loses interest quickly. The mystery creates a lot of excitement for a man during the initial phase of a relationship.

Overexertion: Naturally, to get something you want, you have to work hard but in the case of men, it is the opposite. This is because men are illogical and tend to lose interest in something that is very easy; even worse, instead of feeling comfortable and happy with the relationship, they can feel you pretend every movement and do not to see the effort. Trying too hard is one of the worst mistakes women make with men, this behaviour sends the signal that you are not good enough for him and this will only make him lose interest.

Allowing a man to take advantage: Men love challenges and love to chase something or someone who can not have, finally getting the person is the most rewarding part for them. Giving him the advantage is like giving him permission to take you for granted and the common result is that he’ll stay away.

Saying “Yes” to everything: Most women are attracted to alpha males, it is men who like to give orders, master and tell people what to do. Although this is $exy for most women, you should not give in to everything he wants because allowing him to dominate all the time makes that most men get bored and lose interest. If you say “Yes” to everything, he moves to the next conquest after getting tired of you so you should set limits and learn to say “No” from time to time.

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See Different Hilarious Reactions To A Break Up… Number 6 Is Very Common (Photos)

Which one are you?

1) The ones that will be miserable for about a year or two

Only to end to up making the same mistake again

 

2) The ones that will just be eating like somebody that they swore for

 

3) The ones that clap back with a revenge body

 

4) The ones that will be excited

Only to find out they made the biggest mistake of their lives

 

5) The ones that can manage the situation properly

 

6) The ones that will take out the frustration on Innocent souls

 

7) The ones that automatically become motivational speakers on social media

And the ones that are ready to destroy everything

Which one are you?

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5 Warning Signs Stress Is About To Make You Sick

 

We all deal with stress from time to time. And in many ways, a little stress can be healthy. But when stress is prolonged or chronic, meaning it sticks around for weeks, months, or even years, it can lead to negative changes to your immune system and other biological functions of your body.

In line with this, Jumia Travel shares some of the ways stress can make you sick.

Your teeth are fractured or damaged
Psychological stress really can cause you to grind your teeth—both during the day and at night while you sleep. Teeth grinding can lead to tooth fractures, cavities, and other dental issues, so it’s definitely a habit you’ll want to break.

You’re putting on weight.
Long-term stress can cause you to add weight. This is because stress promotes cravings for high-calorie food. Of course, you know high-calorie foods can lead to weight increase.

Your joints ache
Stress promotes low-grade inflammation, it can heighten symptoms of joints ache in different parts of your body.

You’re always tired
The links between stress and poor sleep are well-established. But even if you feel you’re sleeping well, there’s evidence that stress may trigger feelings of fatigue.

You have headaches
Tension-type headaches have long been associated with stress. Stress-triggered headaches aren’t the result of rising heart rates, but instead seemed tied to over-working yourself when stressed out.

Your blood pressure is too high
To help you survive a precarious situation, stress fires up your sympathetic nervous system, which in turn cranks up your blood pressure so that your limbs and muscles are ready for action. None of that is an issue in the short term. But over time, chronically elevated Blood Pressure can overwork your heart, leading to damaged arteries and blockages. Be careful to put stress in check to forestall a rise in BP.

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7 Clear Signs Your Marriage is About to Crash

In the society nowadays, there is this sudden surge in the level of marriage breakups. It looks like everybody just wants to propose, take pre-wedding pictures, have a lavish weddin ceremony, go for honeymoon and then break it all up right after maybe, one or two years of marriage.

A breakup doesn’t just happen in a marriage though, there are always signs to look out for, symptoms of a breakup.

Below are seven big warning signs that your marriage is about to end;

1. Halting Intimacy :- When you stop initiating intimacy with your partner, when you’d rather do house chores or any other stuff than get cuddling, touching and all that with your partner, this is a likely sign that your marriage might be about to crash. In any marriage, there should always be this feeling of want, and maybe, lust between couples. Intimacy helps keep a relationship alive because there’s always this bond attached when couples get intimate.

2. Getting Secretive :- Doing things behind your partner’s back, deliberately keeping secrets from your partner is another sign your marriage might be about to end. In any relationship/marriage, there should be a level of individual space that is needed for growth but once you start hiding things from your partner, sending secret text messages or maybe starting to use a password on your mobile are all signs that you want to hide something from your partner and it makes trust waver

3. Repeating Arguments :- Fighting and quarrelling with your spouse over the same thing every now and then is another sign. When you both get into fights constantly without trying to make amends or put an end to the cause of the argument, it makes arguments go on and on and probably stretch deep into other things. You should always endeavour to kill any argument immediately and avoid getting physical.

4. Not Caring About Your Appearance :- In a marriage,when you stop caring about what your partner thinks on your appearance, when you neither give a crawling fu*k nor a flying one about your partner’s opinion on how you look, It is another warning sign that your marriage has issues. Not making your hair, not trying to look nice for your partner,acting lazy and sloppy, maybe even going to bed in clothes you use for house chores and not caring what your partner might think are all signs of a marriage that is about to crash.

5. Getting Abusive and Offensive :- Your wife does something to annoy you, you send her home on an insult errand to her great grandfathers. Your husband does something to piss you off, you start to call names and insult his mother and all of his ancestors. You both bring up past issues to berate each other whenever an argument surfaces. One simple complaint and you are both flaring up, ready to tear each other up. These are all signs that a marriage has problems and it is likely to crash. No matter the argument,never get verbally or physically abusive in your marriage.

6. Refusing To Tackle Issues Head-on :- Apparently, you don’t like your new job, it sucks, but you’d rather be at it than go home to your wife because you are trying to avoid her. You don’t have much interest in alcohol and clubbing so you try to avoid your friend’s company but lately, you’d rather be with your friends drinking and clubbing than go home to your wife. Your boring job is suddenly not so boring anymore and your friends have suddenly become more important to you than your spouse. These are all signs that you are refusing to tackle and resolve whatever problem you have in your marriage. You are trying to bail out the easy way and this doesn’t bode well for your marriage.

7. Infidelity:- No doubt, infidelity is considered to be the chief destroyer of marriages nowadays. It has the ability to destroy marriages because it dissolves the one important foundation of any marriage, which is trust. Infidelity doesn’t necessarily have to be physical, it could be emotional. When you start imagining and fantasizing about that hot colleague at work or maybe an Ex you met back recently, it is also a form of Cheat!ng.

When you derive more satisfaction from immersing yourself in fantasyland with that colleague at work or that ex you just met back than spending quality time with your spouse, it’s a sign that something deep is wrong with your marriage. Not all spouses forgive infidelity though so avoid going physical with Cheat!ng. Maybe it could be worked out but most times, trust is never regained.

These are all clear signs that your marriage is having issues that will likely lead to a breakup. You should see a marriage counsellor and work on whatever issues you might be having with your spouse.

Wish you all the best in your marriages!

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9 Questions to Ask before You Decide He/She is ‘The One’

Choosing “The One” is an outrageously important decision. “The one” (or your future spouse) is not only your romantic partner in life…but also the mom or dad to your children, your life-long companion, and your partner in all things pertaining to life. The ripple effect of your decision for a spouse is much more far reaching than most people initially suppose.

The only family member we get to choose in life is our spouse.

When we choose the right spouse, our life is multiplied in the most positive way possible…

And on the contrary, people who commit to spouses who are ill-matched for them have unions that seem to create compounded negativity in every area of their life. Needless to say, deciding if your current love interest really is “the one” is not something to do half-heartedly.

So, what are some things to watch out for? How do you know if they are “The One”?

Here are 9 things to consider when determining if they are “The One”…

1. Do you have fun together and are you attracted to each other? 
This one should be a no-brainer. When choosing a spouse, you are choosing a friend for life, so you better really enjoy that person’s company! Do you laugh together? Have fun together? You should be energized by their presence. Also, it should be obvious, but a key part of any healthy marriage is physical intimacy, so being physically attracted to one another is not a shallow thing. There should be a healthy desire for one another.

2. Are your beliefs and fervor for God the same? 
Our belief system is foundational to how we make decisions about every area of life. The Bible talks about being “equally yoked”. At the core of marriage is the concept of two becoming one, so in every good marriage there has to be union and “oneness” in what you believe about God. Also, it is not enough to say, “Yes, we both believe in God, and have received Jesus as our Savior. So, we are good”… because it is more than that. There has to be “oneness” in how you both live out your faith and to what degree you want your faith to impact your daily decisions. To be “equally yoked” in this area does not necessarily mean you have equal Biblical knowledge or equal spiritual experiences, but it does mean that you have the same core beliefs and the same fervency about those beliefs and how they affect your living.

3. Is your vision similar? 
When you both talk about the future, are your dreams and goals similar? Do your career plans complement each other? Do your family plans sync? Are your attitudes about finances & lifestyle similar? Amos 3:3 says, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” God will set your life in a certain direction and as you walk it out, Mr./Mrs. Right will come along going the same direction as you and at the same pace as you. (Note: it is important have to focus on becoming a “me” before a “we”. If you do not know “who you are” or “where you are going”, then it is going to be difficult to know if someone is compatible with you.)

4. Is there peace?  
Deep in your heart is there peace when you consider the potential of marrying this person? And, when I say “peace”, I am not talking about some happy emotion being around this person brings you… I am talking about in your spirit (or your conscious) does it “seem good”? When you search your heart, do you have a “gut feeling” that it is not right? Or are there unanswered questions about his/her integrity or honesty that make you uneasy? … If you answered yes to one of the last two questions, then that should be a red flag that you do not overlook. (Note: it is normal to have a certain degree of hesitation or fear when thinking about the commitment of marriage. However, the lack of peace I am referring to in this point is the “bad gut feeling”, a “check in your spirit”, or a “red flag in your heart” … these are all things you do not want to ignore.

5. Are family and friends cheering on the relationship? 
Loving family members and true friends want what is best for us, so it is important to take into consideration their perspective and thoughts on your relationships. If multiple family members and friends have a “bad feeling” about your relationship, then that should cause you to take a step back and consider their perspective.

6. Is the timing right? 
There is a saying that says, “the ‘right guy’, at the wrong time, is the wrong guy”. There really is a lot of truth to that saying too. If the timing of a relationship is not right, then you should not push it. God is all about “in the fullness of time” moments. There will be that right one, at the right time, and it will be worth the wait!

7. Is he/she a good person? 
Is your significant other a hard-worker? Selfless? Humble? Generous? Honest? Full of integrity? Eager to grow and learn? It is all of these not-so-$exy characteristics in dating that all the sudden become extremely “$exy” within the context of a marriage. It is these characteristics that become the foundation that communication and trust is built on. Don’t compromise on these critical characteristics!

8. Is he/she your biggest fan? 
Early on in our marriage, I had the realization that I should be Eric’s #1 cheerleader. It was on a drive home from the mall one day in Tulsa that I sensed God speak to my heart, “If you are not praying for Eric, then who is?” I had that “Ah-ha! moment” where I realized the significant role I play in his life to not only pray for him, but also cheer him on, encourage him, and build him up verbally. If your significant other is constantly tearing you down or making sarcastic comments about your abilities – that should be a red flag. (Note: Ladies, it is important to have a boyfriend, and especially spouse, who pulls-out and encourages the gifts within you! Don’t settle for someone who will put a lid on what God has planned for your life.)

9. Have you dated long enough? 
We all know stories of couples who dated for two weeks, got married, and lived happily-ever-after. In some rare cases, the short dating experience works out, but in most cases it is wise to get to know someone for at least a year before considering marriage. Within the first year of dating someone you are able to see them in lots of different contexts – you can see them with their family, with their friends, in stressful situations, in joyful situations, etc.. Usually around the one year mark the “honeymoon” stage of dating fades because you have had the opportunity to see flaws. It is best to see as many of those “flaws” before marriage as possible.

There are plenty of others things to consider when determining if they are “the one”, but these 9 thoughts are a good place to start! Hopefully these 9 thoughts give you some practical areas you can reflect on in your dating relationships. Bottom line, be encouraged, if you desire to be married, then “that one” IS out there! You keep doing your thing. Keep following God. Keep living a life full of love and passion, and when “the one” comes around you will be happy you did not settle for less!

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.
Ecclesiastes 4:9 NLT

[written by Erica Giesow]

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3 Things That Will Surely Make Your Marriage Better

A relationship is like a fine automobile — it can run very smoothly if given the right conditions. It can function effectively forever. If mistreated and not kept tuned, however, your marriage is sure to fail.

Fortunately, we have control over how “tuned” we keep our marriage. We have great ability to remain alert to the conditions of our marriage and to check in with our mate to ensure they are satisfied, as well with how the marriage is functioning.

While there are many necessary ingredients for a loving marriage…

(see I Corinthians 13; Galatians 5: 22-23), there are three necessities I’d like to focus on today: compassion, consideration and collaboration. Certainly, you could argue that if you are loving as defined by I Corinthians 13 or exhibit the fruits of the Spirit you will show compassion, consideration and collaboration and your marriage will likely thrive.

Let’s examine each of these a bit more closely and then we’ll explore how you might try these out in your daily life.

Compassion. Compassion is at the heart of every meaningful relationship, because when we feel compassion for our mate we move toward them, caring about their well-being. We attempt to walk in their shoes, showing empathy and concern for the challenges they face.

Interestingly, there is a compassion paradox: If it’s available whenever needed, it’s seldom needed. If there is a scarcity of compassion, your mate will likely develop a deprivation mentality, causing them to seek all they can get when they can get it. If compassion is absent for long enough, resentment will occur.

Showing compassion, in my experience, doesn’t necessarily happen automatically but can be cultivated, much like empathy. Being mindful that compassion is needed consistently, look for ways to show concern and compassion for whatever troubles your mate is experiencing. Be on the lookout for opportunities — and they will arise — to show compassion.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3: 12).

Consideration. Consideration (or respect!) is vital to holding a relationship together. Consideration shows you are being thoughtful of your mate, attending to them and what they have requested from you.

When you think about it, really think about it, your mate has likely told you how to best love them. They have shared with you at one time or another what they appreciate and what they don’t appreciate. While they may not have shared as firmly as you’d like, they have given you a lot of information about how best to love them. Have you considered that information and implemented it into your relationship?

Far too often we love our mate the way we want to be loved. We communicate in a way that is natural for us, but not necessarily effective for them. Take the time to consider who this person to whom you are married is. What are their unique needs? How have they asked to be loved?

Collaboration. Collaboration — working together — is absolutely critical in marriage. Effective collaboration leads to cooperation, better decision-making, communication and the sharing of values. Working together leads to a positive feeling of teamwork.

No two people are going to agree on everything, however; marriage is a blending of two separate people, with differing backgrounds, values and principles. This is part of what makes marriage so exciting — the blending of differing perspectives. While initially exciting, these differences can lead to conflict. You must work together, listening carefully to each other, and then working together to solve problems.

Resolution of conflict occurs through the power of collaboration. Scripture says, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (Amos 3: 3) Healthy couples agree to not only walk together, but to problem-solve in a way that honors each other’s points of view.

Here are a few additional ideas to help you develop these qualities in your marriage:

First, resolve to cultivate compassion, consideration and collaboration. These three traits can be cultivated in your marriage. It will take focus, intention and determination. Agree with your mate on this “3 Step Plan” to improve your marriage.

Second, develop a plan to cultivate these traits in your marriage. Share with each other which traits are most important to both of you. Then, consider how you might cultivate these traits. Will you read a book on each topic? Can you listen to podcasts on the issues? Make a specific plan for cultivating these traits;

Third, measure progress on each quality. Agree to talk weekly until you have reinforced and strengthened these qualities in your marriage. Agree to offer feedback to each other, being receptive to hearing how you are doing at offering these qualities to your mate.

Finally, catch each other doing them well. It is important to be on high alert for these three different qualities. Notice when your mate is compassionate towards you. Thank your mate for making an effort to be considerate. Finally, do your part in collaborating with them on problems.

[written by Dr. David B. Hawkins]

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Differences between Grace & Karma (why Grace is Better)

I sat at a table of friends as one relayed her experience with road rage. She told how she absent-mindedly merged into traffic and almost hit an oncoming car. The driver of said car then lashed out with a tirade of abuse and obscenity.

Once the traffic cleared the car sped past her, still yelling abuse. Funny enough, a few minutes later my friend noticed the abusive driver pulled over by highway patrol…

Someone at the table piped up and said a word I hate to hear, “Karma,” – the insidious, normalised, celebrity-endorsed worldview that what you put out comes back to you.

You don’t have to go far to hear people refer to karma – on reality television, the radio, in conversation. Regardless of its Buddhist and Hindu origins, karma has seeped into our Judaeo-Christian society. Like its cool. A new standard.

In reality is, it’s neither.

1. Karma is not Biblical nor is it life according to the New Testament.

God’s kingdom operates by grace. And grace is very different to karma.

What’s so amazing about karma?

Karma refers to intentional actions that impact one’s future. It is a key concept in many world religions, including Sikhism and Taoism. Our western understanding of karma is the doctrine of inevitable consequence, where whatever you do is returned to you.

And there is nothing amazing about it.

2. Karma teaches you get what you deserve, Grace teaches you get what you don’t deserve. 
The difference is everything. Even worse, karma teaches you get what your past deserves, even if it isn’t your past.

In modern society, people rejoice when the wicked get what they deserve in the form of financial hardship, health issues or relationship struggles.

While many people – including those who have no other association with Eastern religion – live by karma, there is a higher way.

The Bible does not teach karma. It teaches grace. Grace is where you get what you don’t deserve.

Grace is unmerited favor. It is love and mercy bestowed upon us by God because He desires us to have it. As you can see, very different to karma. More like polar opposites.

3. Grace is better news than karma for our lives. 
It was grace, not karma, that rescued the Baby Moses from death. It was grace that allowed Queen Esther to plead for the survival of her people. Grace helped Nehemiah rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. Grace appeared face to face with Saul on the Damascus road.

Grace reached out to you and me while we were sinners deserving death and took our place.

Grace. Amazing grace.

And it disappoints me that we have forgotten. It disappoints me we are more inclined to look for karma than we are to look for grace.

In the book, Bono: iIn Conversation with Mishka Assayas, Bono commented, “I’d be in big trouble if Karma was going to finally be my judge… I’m holding out for grace. I’m holding out that Jesus took my sins onto the Cross…”

4. Grace compels us to love, karma doesn’t. 
If the world knew the magnificence of God’s grace they would be holding out for it as well. Because I’ve got a feeling society doesn’t need more karma but a whole lot more grace.

If there was more grace there would be less road rage.

If there was more grace there would be less divorce.

If there was more grace families would talk to each other.

If there were more grace there would be less racism.

If there were more grace there would be less violence.

If there were more grace there would be more kindness.

More love.

5. Getting what you deserve is horrible because if we’re honest, we all deserve a rotten life.

Getting what you don’t deserve is some kind of wonderful. And it is all around us. If we opened our eyes we would see grace working on the planet each and every day.

It was grace that got my sister-in-law an upgrade to business class on her trip from London to Australia. It was grace that caused a stranger to give my children free tickets to the zoo. It was grace that delivered groceries to single moms on Christmas Eve. Grace was the parking space at the Mall. Grace was the out of the blue phone call from a friend. Grace was the smile of a child. Grace was the not so random act of kindness you received.

Grace. Pure grace.

Getting what you don’t deserve. A gift from God.

Let’s look for the incorruptible, glorious gifts of God’s grace working through and around us in everyday life. No one deserves the consequences of karma. We all need amazing grace.

[written by Sarah Coleman]

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True Love Story and Heartbreak – A couple I know

A couple married for ten good years with no child and in the eleventh year a baby boy was born into the family, this couple joy grow with  no bound and they are living a lovely couple live that anyone could desired.

 

When the boy was around 2 years of age, one beautiful morning that turn to a sad day, the husband was about leaving home for work and he saw a medicine bottle open but couldn’t wait to pick up the medicine bottle and cap it because he is already late for work.

He asks his wife to cap the bottle and keep it out of reach of the child because the bottle contain a poisonous medicine meant for adult in a very small dosage.

The mother was preoccupied in the kitchen and totally forgot the matter, the boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle, and he was fascinated with its colour, he pick up the bottle and drank all the medicine in it. When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was scared how to face her husband.

When the distressed father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he was so so sad, he looked at his wife and voiced just only four words.

Guest what the four words are?

The husband just said “I Love You Dearest”

Nobody around the place ever expected such words from the father of the boy to his mother.

The boy is dead. He can never come back to life again. There is no point in finding fault with the mother, the father said. Besides, if only he has taken time to keep the bottle away, this will not have happened. No point in attaching blame because she had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

Sometimes we spend time asking who is responsible or who to blame and miss out some warmth in human relationship in giving each other support. After all, shouldn’t forgiving someone we love be the easiest thing in the world to do? Treasure what you have. Don’t multiply pain, anguish and suffering by holding on to forgiveness. If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. So, take off all your envies, jealousies, and unwillingness to forgive, selfishness, and fears and you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.

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